Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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