Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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