I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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