Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
