i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
