we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
