I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
