I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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