Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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