We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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