Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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