Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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