my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
