1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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