I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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