so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
