we have pet lesbian snakes
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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