If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
only you would photoshop your dick
my shit smells like andre
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
