According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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