In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
