I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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