this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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