She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize