Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
