Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
