PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
