remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
