I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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