At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
