You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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