At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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