if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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