You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
nutella sex= disaster
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
