Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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