He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
