so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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