Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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