I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize