Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
