every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
