ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
