Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
