How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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