chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize