doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
