were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
