i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
