She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
