I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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