Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
