Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
