Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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