you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
