I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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