Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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