So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
