I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
