I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
