She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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