and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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