it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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