I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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