i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So much Jack, so little girl.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
