please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
