Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i will never coherently bang her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
