I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
