I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm always down for nudity.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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