I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize