She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
