I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
