She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
