if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
