I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize