..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
