Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
