i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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