so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
