omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
