I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize