wake up i wanna do it froggy style
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
