she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The power of my boobs compel you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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