The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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