I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
