I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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