so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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