The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
