I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
