Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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