I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
