She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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