I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just googled if crying burns calories
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You dont lie about slip and slides
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
