I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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