He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
