I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
