when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
me + whiskey = a bad person
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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