Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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