Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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