Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
