Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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