He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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