I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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