Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
