Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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