I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
