I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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