I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Small penises have feelings too.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize