So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Found the puke drawer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
