belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize