You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
