how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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