he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
