I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
