There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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