TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
